Alas, as we all know, some days do not start out well as there are many frustrations which occur in life. Need I name them? With the pandemic, we have hand washing, masks, social distancing for starters. There are worries about contracting the virus. There are issues around employment and finances as well as understandable concerns about children returning to school. Because of the social restrictions, more people are at home. There have been documented increases in domestic violence and alcohol use. Get the picture? So how do you deal with these upsets? You can let them take you to a level of distress where you declare, "This day is awful", or my favorite, "I'm so stressed". When this happens, your day will spiral downward. But it does not have to be this way. You can make a conscious choice to be less upset and happier. A lot of this choice has to do with what thoughts you think when upsetting events occur. I remember watching a television program where the interviewer was speaking with an Army Captain in Afghanistan about how he managed to control his reaction to stressors, such as getting shelled with rockets. The Captain pulled out a laminated card he kept in his pocket and read his Rule #1: My thoughts cause my feelings, control my thoughts and control my feelings. Yes, you can turn a potentially bad day into a good one. Dr. Shawn Achor, author of "The Happiness Advantage", noted that “Studies show that when you’re positive, you’re 31% more productive, you’re 40% more likely to receive a promotion, you have 23% fewer health-related effects from stress, and your creativity rates triple.” So what can you do?:
Catch your bad mood quickly. I tell this to my patients and clients all the time. It is easier said than done. Even harder is to identify the source of your distress rather than globally saying "I feel bad, awful, etc.". The faster that you even notice that you have a bad mood, the quicker you can do something about it. This happened to me recently. I realized I was feeling frustrated and checked myself. I noted that I was upset because "I'm behind on several projects". What else might you say to yourself about this which would be even more upsetting? How about, "I never get anything done, I'll never catch up, I'm not very capable"? As you can imagine, the latter statements are thoughts which will drive more upset and distressing emotions. We have discussed how to challenge these overgeneralized and untrue thoughts in our book (I Can’t Take It Anymore: How to Manage Stress so It Doesn’t Manage You; Paul G. Longobardi, Ph.D., and Janice B. Longobardi, R.N., B.S.N., P.H.N.), available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542458056. For details about the authors, book, and stress, please visit our website at www.manageyourhealthandstress.com. However, recognizing the thought is half the battle.
Find something for which you can be thankful. Did you know that neuroimaging studies show that it is very hard to be distraught and thankful at the same time? So ask yourself what are one or two good things going on at this time? In my case, it was that I was making some progress on opening over a week's worth of mail and was looking forward to seeing family members on Zoom a little later. This helped restore perspective on what otherwise looked like a bad day.
Take an action. This will help interfere with and disrupt the negative trend. As I noted, I was making progress on opening, sorting, and discarding over one week's mail. I was able to record a victory, albeit a small one. Speaker/trainer/author Blair Singer, in his book "Little Voice Mastery", says we do not celebrate the small victories in our daily lives often enough.
Do something different. Change your routine even a little. Take a walk properly distanced, listen to music, learn something new (how to work Zoom is not a bad idea these days). Or, take some deep breaths. This suggestion is particularly relevant during the restrictions associated with the pandemic. As neuroscientists know, breathing helps activate areas of our prefrontal cortex involved in positive, pleasant emotions.
Re-evaluate your expectations. If you set unattainable expectations, you're headed for a bad day. If I expect that I will complete multiple chapters on several books, review all correspondence, open over one week's mail, handle multiple administrative tasks, all in the course of a half day, than I'm likely doomed to failure. It would be better for me or you to write down several short and attainable goals for the day. If you meet or exceed them, good, you will feel better. Again, be sure to celebrate your small or partial victories. If you want more information on goal setting, please see my teacher Raymond’s Aaron’s excellent book “Double Your Income Doing What You Love”. Using his MTO system, he teaches you how to set each goal at three levels—Minimum, Target, and Outrageous—so that you can begin to move ever closer to fully creating, and then living, the life of your dreams.
Learn from your day. Use the three part formula for helping to reduce future bad days and learn from them. First, note what went well. Second, note what did not go so well. Third, decide on what you can learn from the event and make a plan to build on the positives. Either avoid or know how to deal better with the stressors which triggered your negative thoughts and feelings. I use this formula all the time with myself and with my patients and clients. It really helps.
While you can not control upsetting things happening in your personal and work life, you can control how you choose to respond to them. Stress is a choice and so is happiness.
Change your thoughts and change your results. Good luck on your journey.
Dr. Paul Longobardi
For information and posts on these and related topics, go to my website at www.successandmindset.com